Can anyone still say with a straight face that Donald Trump wasn’t trying to illegally overturn the legitimate results of the 2020 presidential election? Everything he did from Nov. 3, 2020 to Jan.
Today's Liberal News
Aldous J Pennyfarthing
It would be nice if we could clone White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki thousands of times and send the newly minted Psaki Corps out to every drunk uncle and horse paste-chugging churl in the U.S., but we don’t have that technology. (Plus it might be unethical or something.
To say that Joe Manchin appears out of touch with the pressing needs of his constituents and Americans as a whole would be a grotesque understatement. The Build Back Better bill would be a godsend to millions of Americans who struggle to pay their monthly bills, find affordable child care and—not for nothing—worry about the effects of climate change on their children’s future.
So what do you do if “too many” Black people vote in an election? You pass laws to frustrate and discourage them, of course! But why rest on your ugly racist laurels when there are still so many pesky murder laws standing in the way of regress? What if “too many” white people are being prosecuted for murdering Black joggers who obviously shouldn’t be jogging and certainly shouldn’t be Black while doing it?
The San Jose, California, City Council is requiring gun owners to carry liability insurance and pay a fee in what the city says is the first ordinance of its kind in the U.S. The city council passed the law on Tuesday, and it will likely take effect in August.
Wisconsin Republicans want to make it easier for teens to tote guns onto school grounds. Yes, really
Since it’s already quasi-legal for teenagers to kill protesters in Wisconsin, Badger State Republicans are hoping to further enshrine the kiddos’ right to be public menaces. Call it the “Kyle Rittenhouse Will Blow Your Face Off for Giving Him the Stink Eye, but this Time He’ll Have a Permit” Incel Aggro Act of 2022.
News flash for the anti-maskers among us: Refusing to mask up on a crowded flight to London doesn’t make you Rosa Parks. It makes you an unbelievable asshole. This is not a hill worth dying on—though, come to think of it, you may very well die. Just not on a hill.
Not content to risk and/or ruin her own life, a woman who refused to wear a mask on a flight from Miami to London Wednesday night prompted the pilot to actually turn the plane around and head back home.
The hair-on-fire emergency in the quaggy swamplands of Florida Man’s brain these days isn’t COVID-19—it’s the ghastly thought that somewhere within the sea-buffeted borders of America’s enormous schwanzstucker, a sports-baller might get gruesomely Theismanned without hearing a musical tribute to our nation first.
During and after the Jan. 6 insurrection, before Fox News went all-in on greasing the skids for fascism, some of its most celebrated on-air personalities acted as though Donald Trump had been hit with a protoplasmic growth ray and was rampaging from sea to rising sea popping whole Taco Bell Expresses in his mouth like Fiddle Faddle.
Republicans are really on a roll, aren’t they? First, they support Donald Trump, then Vladimir Putin—and now they’re using the copious political capital they’ve built up with the pig-ignorant half of America to go all-in for COVID-19. I shudder to think what’s next. Maybe they can repeal car-seat laws so toddlers are free to catapult into chemical freight trucks, as God and the Founders intended.
We’ve come a long way from the days of Bill “I Didn’t Inhale” Clinton and our overwrought collective freakout over ordinary and decidedly normal cannabis use. Not that long ago, video of a U.S. Senate candidate smoking weed in a field would be considered lurid oppo research. But now, at least one candidate, Gary Chambers, is featuring it in his campaign advertising.
Now, I doubt Chambers will win.
You know, I’m starting to agree with the MAGA crowd about masks. I don’t really need one, because I’ve been face-palming pretty much nonstop since 2017. That’s gotta filter out most coronavirus, right? As for the vaccine—I got all my shots. But, sadly, there’s no immunity—artificial or otherwise—against the goofball gormlessness of the Republican Party.
I keep hearing about bipartisanship. Oh, what is this fey, bashful woodland creature of which you speak, Republicans? It sounds simply enchanting—and, yes, I would love to believe it exists. But it just doesn’t. I’m quite certain I saw Mitch McConnell beating it to death with a shovel in a roadside ditch after he hit it with his car.
Reporters really need to ask Republican lawmakers about Donald Trump’s political future every time they interview these weasels. This should be in addition to asking them who won the election. Not only is it important to the long-term viability of our representative democracy, it’s also effing hilarious.
These are simple questions: Do you think Joe Biden was elected legitimately? Some Republican legislators—including South Dakota Sen.
To say Donald Trump is a cartoon villain ascribes far too much humanity and gravitas to this oleaginous heap of gently used circus peanuts. Most people can fully size him up after hearing him purple-nurple the Queen’s English with his gauche, ungrammatical boasts for a just a few minutes, but many Americans remain in thrall to his, shall we say, “unique” charms.
Okay, why would anyone try to exterminate large swaths of the population with vaccines millions of people still refuse to take when they can use effing space lasers instead! It makes absolutely no sense.
Ever since the COVID-19 vaccines were rolled out, disingenuous pundits have been using the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS), which is hosted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), to “prove” that the vaccines are deadly. But in reality, VAERS is just a collection of raw reports from people who’ve been vaccinated.
A death reported on VAERS could be caused by just about anything, and is proof of exactly nothing.
With the one-year anniversary of Donald Trump’s attempted coup fast approaching, NBC’s and ABC’s Sunday morning news shows both devoted significant time to the Big Lie, Donald Trump’s ongoing efforts to subvert Western democracy, and the Republican Party’s shameful support of his dangerous, anti-democratic delusions.
In fact, NBC’s Meet the Press devoted its entire broadcast to Trump’s continuing threat to our republic.
BBC News admits error after tapping Epstein pal Alan Dershowitz to analyze Ghislaine Maxwell verdict
When Fox News demonstrates more journalistic scruples than the BBC, you know we’re in trouble.
Famed constitutional scholar Alan Dershowitz, who thinks the Constitution gives Donald Trump the power to do anything he wants so long as he’s earnestly attempting to steal elections, appeared on BBC News Wednesday after Ghislaine Maxwell was found guilty on five counts of sex trafficking.
What could be possibly more American than a group of cranky a-holes fighting for their God-given right to spread deadly diseases at fast-food restaurants? That’s peak 2021, folks; MAGA mites always save the best for last.
As much as I’d like to dump most Burger King food into Boston Harbor (still a far better choice, I’d argue, than eating it), I don’t think this protest will have the historic impact these anti-vaxxers hope it will.
Yeah, Donald Trump also said we’d never see him again if he lost to Joe Biden. We all know how that turned out. After all, Trump is never really gone—as long we remember him. We see his eternal light and essence in every irregular, half-priced Grocery Outlet yam. Every time a bully farts on a weaker kid’s head, he is there—in spirit—gently guiding the bully’s sphincter.
For the past two years—and especially since we all got access to the lifesaving COVID-19 vaccines—I’ve felt like Luke Wilson’s character in Idiocracy trying to explain to relatives and acquaintances why they should irrigate their plants with water instead of sports drinks. It’s hard to get through to them, though—without an actual cranial saw, that is.
I can only imagine how Dr. Anthony Fauci feels.
Oh, hey, Ted Cruz still wants to be president! Of course he does. The “breaking” part of this news is that he still seems to think it’s possible. Though, to be fair, Ted did snag a lot of primary votes in 2016—and that was before the beard. Imagine the mojo he’s got workin’ now!
Of course, Ted is universally loathed among warm-blooded vertebrates, so he’s forced to run as a Republican.
I’m having a real hard time understanding how a civil war between liberals and conservatives would actually play out in this country. Would we have to wear uniforms to mark ourselves as part of the vast progressive horde, or would the conspicuous lack of misspelled MAGA neck tattoos be sufficient?
Our nation is terribly divided these days, but I don’t really fear a second civil war for the mere fact that it would be far too confusing.
I have a deep, visceral mistrust for anyone who says God is on their side. When has Providence ever sorted winners and losers like this? Didn’t we learn better from the bloody Crusades? Or centuries of ruinous sectarian violence? Or Tim Tebow’s NFL career?
Of course, these days we’re meant to believe that God is on the side of the vast majority of the people unnecessarily dying of COVID-19—because that’s what they keep claiming.
On Friday night, a series of devastating tornadoes ripped through parts of six states, killing at least 79 Americans.
Contrary to Donald Trump’s usual attempts to pulverize reality into an unrecognizable heap of dust he can power-snort directly into his fib-pickled brain, the Trump-Russia investigation was neither a witch hunt nor a hoax.
Is Tucker Carlson literally on Vladimir Putin’s payroll? He has to be, right? As the free world attempts to stand up to this ex-KGB thug who brazenly attacked our country and poisons political adversaries nearly as often as Tucky-son poisons minds, Fox’s resident trust fund bloviator is giving literal aid and comfort to the enemy.
You might say this foppish fish stick fuckwit is a modern-day Tokyo Rose—only slightly more transparent.
“And so this is Christmas, and where is your gun?” John Lennon’s 1971 hit “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” was a call for peace, not for packing heat, but apparently the lyrics need to be updated to fit the 21st century. Fifty years later, the NRA and Republicans have made sure that far too many Americans can easily answer that (updated) question.
After normal presidents stop presidenting, they’re typically deluged with offers from major publishing houses for the right to release their memoirs. But judging from the blowback The Wall Street Journal received after publishing Donald Trump’s recent lie-festooned letter to the editor, no one who groks that Trump’s bloviating bottom is not actually a flowing fount of wisdom seems eager to let him topple inkwells anywhere near their shops.