Today's Liberal News

Aldous J Pennyfarthing

Watch prolific liar George Santos slink into the Capitol as reporters pepper him with questions

So far New York Rep.-elect George Santos, who may be a bona fide member of the House of Representatives by the time you read this, has made a series of outlandish claims: He was the original Gerber baby. He invented hummus. He spent several weeks in Valdez, Alaska, vigorously scrubbing otters—but only in the months prior to the oil spill. He resorbed five identical twins in the womb, which is why he has so many contradictory life stories.

Watch Trump lie his ocher arse off about how much he paid in taxes in 2016 and 2017

Because Donald Trump has a finite number of dead ex-wives and just a handful of golf courses on which to bury them, he has to continually come up with creative ways to lower his tax burden. He almost certainly outsources this thankless task to his team of accountants, because fully 80% of his mental energy is devoted to guessing which Pokémon will show up in today’s Happy Meal.

Bwahaha! Trump’s trading card images appear to have been lifted from catalogs and stock collections

Hmm, what could possibly make the mortal embarrassment surrounding Donald Trump’s recent MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT even worse? Oh, Satan, please send him more tribulation! Exactly how many albino goats does one have to sacrifice to get you to do one’s bidding? Because the goat viscera is really piling up in the garage, and you can’t put it in the city compost for some reason. Just saying.

Bannon guest freaks out MAGAs by saying there was no election fraud—as GOP reconsiders its strategy

There’s a downside to cribbing your political strategy from Donald Trump—namely, Donald Trump doesn’t know what he’s talking about on any subject, ever. (Unless, of course, you want to know which 25 McDonald’s Dollar Menu items pair best with cutting off your gravely ill infant nephew’s health insurance.) 

Back in 2020, when Donald Trump was plotting to steal the presidential election, he sought to undermine faith in mail-in ballots.

The Trump bus runs over longtime Trump Org employee Allen Weisselberg

Donald Trump has hired more coffee boys than Starbucks over the years, and they all get the same treatment after he’s through sucking the marrow out of their sad, brittle, untermensch bones: He claims he doesn’t know them, and if he happens to have been photographed with them 90 times over the course of 30 years, he’s quick to point out that he’s regularly seen with lots of sketchy people who are mysteriously drawn to his grand, elysian fi

Ex-MAGA mite Mo Brooks says Trump is ‘dishonest, disloyal, incompetent, crude’

The walls are closing in on Donald Trump, and for once it’s not just because he’s expanding. Republicans stuck with him through the Access Hollywood tape, Charlottesville, family separation, the Big Lie, the insurrection, two impeachments, interminable outrages, and tens of thousands of corrosive lies. But if there’s one thing Republicans won’t abide, it’s losing a chance at retaking the Senate and giving more tax breaks to billionaires.

As pre-midterm dread creeps in, let me be yet another voice for optimism

My biennial election season freakout has begun! If scientists could find a way to harness my nervous energy in the days leading up to elections, they’d be able to power a small town for a year—or Rudy Giuliani’s liver for about 20 minutes. (Allegedly!)

But this year, along with my usual hefty slice of wry dread, I’m offering up something a little different: a message of hope.

Instead of obsessively refreshing 538.

GOP governor touts nonexistent features of Missouri’s famously weak gun control laws

These days, Republicans seem to think they can govern via talking points, but sometimes their well-rehearsed excuses for failing to pass urgently needed legislation violently collide with reality.

Such was the case on Thursday when Missouri Gov. Mike Parson visited St. Louis police headquarters to throw up his hands and assure his gormless gaggle of gun fetishists (i.e.

‘Absolutely f***ing not’: Attorneys, advisers reportedly against Trump testifying on live television

Ever since the House Jan. 6 committee voted unanimously to subpoena the main man behind the mayhem, Donald J. Trump, on Oct. 13, the media has been playing an endless game of “will he or won’t he” appear.

After all, handing Donald Trump a subpoena, as the committee did on Friday, is like giving a dude on a three-day meth bender a Russian roulette revolver—except with six bullets in the cylinder instead of one.

New book: During first impeachment, Ted Cruz admitted all 100 senators knew Trump was guilty

Republicans love their phony bugaboos. Whether it’s graduate-level courses being taught in kindergarten, migrant caravans shoving old women out of the way at the A&P to score the last marble rye, or foreign drug cartels handing out fentanyl to trick-or-treaters for Squad-knows-what reason, the GOP is great at distracting you from the hell demons feasting on your viscera all day, every day, like so much Laffy Taffy.

‘Out of sight’: Rumors about Trump wanting the USS John McCain hidden for 2019 Japan visit are true

In 2019, reports emerged that the White House had requested the USS John McCain stay out of sight while Donald Trump regaled the troops in Japan with a speech in which he weirdly wished a “happy Memorial Day” to Japanese service members. After the story blew up, Trump did his best to distance himself from the controversy, eventually calling it “an exaggeration, or even Fake News.” 

Guess what? He was lying.

‘It’s all of Mitch McConnell’s staffers’: Pro-MAGA dating app somehow can’t find women users

A new pro-Trump dating app that’s scheduled to launch this month is not exactly grabbing women by the … um … heartstrings. Nor have the folks behind the app assembled even one binder full of women. It’s almost as if no one’s attracted to men who both idolize serial sexual assaulters and want to force women to give birth to their rapists’ babies.

Uncle Dark Brandon chides Republicans for touting infrastructure spending they opposed

Our Illustrious Overlord Dark Brandon of the House of Biden, protector of the 50 states, breaker of chains, father of dragons, rider of bikes, double-fister of ice cream, is on a roll lately. And, much like every Italian salad Donald Trump has been served since he started running for president, he’s full of piss and vinegar. (I’m joking, of course. Trump doesn’t eat salads.

Barack Obama just won the Emmy that forever eluded Trump. Cue his social media meltdown

You know who won an Emmy Saturday night? The former president who didn’t steal dozens of highly classified documents from the government and stash them in his desk with naught but the enervating effluvium of half-masticated McRibs to ward off enemies of the state.

Know who didn’t win an Emmy? The ex-presidential cosplayer who wanted to win one more than any individual in the history of soul-moldering reality shows.

Rudy says Trump didn’t actually steal top secret docs, he was simply ‘preserving’ them

So if you or I had worked for the government and, upon leaving, squirreled away a few top secret nuclear documents in a Six Million Dollar Man lunchbox that we kept under a basement foosball table, we’d be sitting in brightly lit rooms asking if we could please get some unscented udder cream for our serially brutalized nipples. It’s unlikely we’d be able to trot out numerous contradictory excuses for our crimes and have roughly a third of the nation believe them.

Remember when Trump ordered an investigation of Brett Kavanaugh? Surprise! It was a total sham

We need a thorough, deep dive into the four-year-old allegations against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh if we’re ever to get to the bottom of what “boof” means. It would also be nice to know if the guy who voted to wrest reproductive rights away from every American with a womb is a concupiscent churl and serial sexual assaulter. But first things first.

We may not know Sen. Sinema’s vote on the Democrats’ new climate bill until it hits the floor

Based on Sen. Kyrsten Sinema’s past behavior (her infamous thumbs-down curtsy in the weary faces of America’s working poor immediately comes to mind), I’ve never been sold on the notion that she’ll allow any substantive portion of President Joe Biden’s progressive Build Back Better agenda to pass.

Well, we’re about to find out for sure. Since Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and climate action holdout Sen.