In the news today: A California neo-Nazi who declared himself “on patrol” was arrested by the Capitol Police today near the Democratic National Committee headquarters after being found in possession of a machete and a bayonet. A majority of Republican voters now say that believing Trump’s provably false claims that the 2020 election was stolen from him is now an “important” part of being a Republican.

The blizzard of snowflakes that stormed the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6 is rapidly melting under the klieg lights of consequences. It’s hard not to laugh sometimes, and of course, the funniest part is that these salty traitor tots’ putsch not only failed to keep their wayward wad of amoral protoplasm in the White House, it also inconvenienced them so egregiously you’d think they were involved in serious lawbreaking or something.

Well, you know, 300 Spartans held off Xerxes’ forces at Thermopylae in 480 B.C., so maybe these goobers can make a stand with their meager phalanx of befuddled cheese bread receptacles.  

Then again, if you’re expecting 10,000 enthused MAGA mites and only 300 show up, maybe it’s finally time to fold the denim tent you’ve kept propped up for the day of Donald Trump’s triumphant return.

If you decide to hop in a car from North Carolina’s 11th Congressional district where Republican wanker Rep. Madison Cawthorn does next to nothing and travel across the Tar Heel State to Johnston County, it’ll take you about five hours—give or take 15 minutes with no traffic.

Another week, another racist incident on Fox News. What else is new? In a rant Monday, Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade questioned why President Joe Biden did not demand more Black people be vaccinated in the country. While he stressed that only doctors should promote the COVID-19 vaccine, Kilmeade blamed Biden for not admonishing Black Americans, who he claimed put Biden in office.