Today's Liberal News

Aldous J Pennyfarthing

Sean Hannity drops a crass MyPillow plug in the middle of his very serious Afghanistan commentary

I used to challenge my friends—usually when we were well into our cups—to come up with the most crass and inappropriate product placement they could for a movie. Product placements are done all the time, of course. If you see a Roman centurion eating Funyuns at the foot of the cross on Golgotha, that’s almost certainly a product placement paid for by Frito-Lay. If Jesus himself tucks into a family-sized bag of Tostitos, you can take it to the bank.

As Republicans bash Biden, recall that antiwar liberals were right and hawks were disastrously wrong

Roughly 20 years ago, I wrote some (very unpopular, mind you) op-eds about our adventures in Afghanistan. As a lefty liberal in a conservative Northeast Wisconsin redoubt, I took a far less knee-jerk approach to 9/11 than some of my neighbors. I experienced the pain, horror, and fear of that day like anyone else. Still, my instinct was always to reject half-baked, jingoistic calls for “nation-building” (to resurrect a term George W.

Newly uncovered text messages shed additional light on Gaetzgate

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning feeling a bit down, and life seems like little more than a small service to the strange, twisted course of the universe, I think, “Well, it could be worse. I could be Matt Gaetz.” And then I think, “Nah. Impossible. If I were Matt Gaetz, I’d be wearing Donald Trump Underoos.” Then I go back to sleep, wondering when our country will return to any semblance of sanity.

Fox intoxicates its audience with news that Black Olympians celebrated their gold with booze

For a network that’s been huffing Donald Trump’s underpants nonstop for the past five years, this is pretty rich.

For some reason, Fox News decided it was newsworthy—and perhaps somewhat untoward—for a group of gold medal Olympians to throw back a few bevvies in the wake of their victories. They were “drunk,” according to Fox’s eyeball-grabbing headline.

CNN buries Pillow Man with in-depth report on his delusions

To know Pillow Man is to laugh at Pillow Man—or it is if you’re a member in good standing of the sane community, anyway. If not, you may be willing to follow Mike Lindell down every rabbit hole he’s managed to slither through with the help of a spelunker’s headlamp and a Costco-sized tub of Crisco.

Lindell is about what you’d get if Harry Carey had switched from Budweiser to bath salts late in life.

Former Guy wants his cult to carry sinister-looking (and misspelled, of course) ‘Trump Cards’

I get that writing for a living can be hard sometimes. It can be difficult to find a voice. Or a platform. Or any reason at all to remain an ink-stained wretch instead of, say, trying one’s hand at perpetual lighthouse-sitting.

Unless you’re Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, the pay is frequently low, the laurels few and far between, and the indignities often serial.

Despite huge fundraising haul, Trump still isn’t paying Rudy, who is reportedly ‘close to broke’

Donald Trump doesn’t pay his bills, and he isn’t loyal to anyone. This is like saying the sky is blue and the sun sets in the west. It’s as plain as the pug nose on Trump’s jowly ape scrotum of a face, and if you end up getting burned by this universal MAGA maxim, you need to load up on aloe and simply take your lumps and/or blisters.

I mean, even Satan lives up to his obligations when, say, he loses fiddle contests.

MAGA secretary of state candidate says she knows Trump won California … because she’s an empath

You know, if we’re just going to go with our hunches about political races and assume they mean something, then I must insist that Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election by a final score of 154 million to, I don’t know, 8. Total votes, that is. Because I simply can’t fathom why anyone not named Trump would ever vote for anyone who is named Trump. It would be like putting up a big, star-spangled yard sign to let your neighbors know you have chlamydia.

House Goober Gang, including Greene and Gaetz, run off by protesters during cynical publicity stunt

In a cynical attempt at counterprogramming the Jan. 6 House Select Committee hearings, the 4G Goober Gang—Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, and Paul Gosar—sought to draw attention to the wretched state of the “political prisoners” who were arrested in the wake of the Jan. 6 Capitol insurrection, many of whom remain in stir.

It didn’t go quite as planned.

Trump’s aides reportedly fretting over his potential toxic touch in future endorsements

Donald Trump is a colossal, outsized, Brobdingnagian loser. You might even say he’s a “yuge” loser. And while he’s always been a loser (see also: multiple bankruptcies), his loser bona fides are shining particularly brightly these days.

He lost the popular vote in 2016. He lost the presidency in 2020, conspicuously becoming the first loser incumbent in nearly 30 years. Under his “leadership,” Republicans lost the House.

Phony ‘racial justice’ group attempts to frighten white suburbanites … but gets exposed instead

While I’ve somehow managed to live as a white person for more than five decades without once feeling persecuted over the color of my skin, the 24/7 White Grievance Media sees an America (or, rather, a dwindling majority of very concerned white folks) under existential threat. In other words, it’s easy to sell grievance to conspiracy-primed racists who greedily swallow performative nonsense like a flock of deranged pelicans scarfing down perilously over-microwaved Hot Pockets.

Key member of bishops’ group that wanted to deny Biden communion resigns after Grindr use exposed

Masturbation is still a big no-no, according to the Catholic Church. The catechism calls it “an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” But it’s only a mortal sin if you’re doing it right. For those of you who weren’t raised Catholic, you should know you should know that dying in a state of mortal sin is a pretty big deal.

According to the great doctors of the Catholic Church, including St. Augustine of Hippo and St.

The Hill serves up what may just be the most absurd headline in media history

The “just wait, he’s gonna turn presidential any moment now” crowd is still at it, months after Donald John Trump skulked away from the White House with his schwanz between his atrophied, KFC-bucket-balancin’ gams.

For more than five years after his rambling, racist campaign launch speech, Trump has had every opportunity to prove there was more to him than meets the eye. There isn’t. I’ve looked.

Mary Trump: Ivanka ‘much less likely to stay loyal than Allen Weisselberg’

In a recent episode of The New Abnormal podcast, Mary Trump, Donald Trump’s niece and the author of Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man, said Princess Ivanka, the rotten apple of Donald Trump’s sallow, bloodshot, rheumy eye, is far more likely to flip on The Donald than Trump Org CFO Allen Weisselberg, who is up to his cheesy mustache in legal troubles, thanks to a few fringe benefits gobs of extra pay he received tax-fre

Former Guy clocks in at dismal 41st in latest presidential rankings; Obama finally cracks top 10

Oh, my, my, my. Grampa Shouty-Pants is not gonna like this.

You’d think the guy who made America great again—just look around you—would be ranked higher than 41st out of 44 former U.S. presidents in the latest survey of presidential historians. And he would be, of course, if the voting panel consisted exclusively of multibillionaire bloodsuckers and the hapless corona-fodder who remain enthralled by Ocher Shrek’s every splenetic utterance.

Andrew Giuliani thinks he’s ahead in the New York governor’s race. Aww, that’s adorable

Andrew Giuliani, a scion of the Giuliani Goofball Dynasty, picked a great time to run for governor of New York. His only conceivable asset is name recognition. He has it, but so does syphilis.

Unfortunately, Giuliani Giunior’s chances leaked out of his father’s oleaginous dome like goopy brain-parasite effluent months ago. He’d be better off right now if his dad was Barry Zuckerkorn.

‘Unforgivable and un-American’: U.S. Capitol Officer Brian Sicknick’s longtime partner calls out GOP

I envision a day—perhaps not that far in the future—when Donald Trump and his doofus-y name are radioactive, not just to the decent people of the world but to a wide swath of Republicans, too. Will that happen? I’m trying to be an optimist, so I say yes. Trump himself is doing his best to make that reality come to pass. 

Of course, in the wake of Jan.

‘A fact-checking nightmare’: Trump says he’s working on a book, but publishers are not lining up

Donald Trump doesn’t read. Donald Trump doesn’t write. Donald Trump is little more than an undifferentiated wad of protoplasm that converts trans fats into lies. So when I saw that he’d claimed he was working hard on a book, I had to laugh. This guy wouldn’t have the attention span to complete the maze on a Denny’s placemat, even if you let him draw his own exit with a Sharpie.

This isn’t me saying that.