Today's Liberal News

Aldous J Pennyfarthing

The name ‘Donald’ is plunging in popularity, as is ‘Karen.’ Is there any wonder why?

World events and notorious characters can have a significant impact on baby-naming conventions over time. That’s why you didn’t have a lot of kids named Adolf, Pol Pot, or Smallpox Blisters in your high school homeroom. And it’s why “Jeffrey Toobin” will henceforth be regarded as a simple declarative sentence instead of a name—as in “Oh, my gerd, Jeffrey’s Toobin’ on a Zoom call again.

New polling shows President Biden has quickly restored America’s stature in the eyes of the world

So now that we have a president who doesn’t pose an existential threat to NATO, respects climate change accords, takes worldwide pandemics seriously and won’t flatter dictators, threaten to nuke hurricanes, or otherwise make the world’s foremost democracy look like King Kong on a four-year Jägermeister-and-bath-salts bender, the rest of the world likes us better. 

Go figure.

Newsmax turned Matt Gaetz down for a job, further humiliating the concupiscent putz

It’s probably a good thing that Matt Gaetz keeps getting chastened like this. I don’t want him to get a big(ger) head. I mean, how trashed does your reputation have to be to get turned down by Newsmax? It’s like getting turned away from a North Dakota cockfight over a dress code violation.

But, hey, Gaetz is a special kind of breed. (Sorry for using “Gaetz” and “breed” in the same sentence. I’m still growing and learning as a writer.

New study shows conservatives hear, and believe, far more fake news than liberals

This isn’t exactly earth-shattering news. Earth-shattering news would be Donald Trump getting a good night’s sleep for the first time in 10 years, realizing he’s been acting like a drunk pelican with a Hot Pocket stuck in his throat for most of this century, conceding the election, apologizing profusely to Joe Biden, and telling Eric (but not Junior) that he loves him.

But while this might not be that kind of news, it’s news nonetheless.

How’s this for a rallying cry? If we lose the midterms, Trump will run again and (could) steal 2024

I never thought a fascist takeover of the galaxy could ever be less entertaining than the one depicted in The Phantom Menace, but here we are. One major American political party remains tethered to reality, whereas the other is a barmy cult of personality that worships at the clay feet of the worst human being I’ve ever laid eyes on outside of the port-a-potty queue at the annual Chilton, Wisconsin, Beer Festival—which is a long story, but trust me.

Fox News guest blames mass shootings on mass vaccinations, because sure, why not?

So there was another mass shooting in America Wednesday morning, and naturally Fox News and its guests need to find some reason (other than a proliferation of guns ‘n assholes) for the rise of gun violence in this country. Instead of stopping to ask why these events only seem to happen with any regularity in the United States, they have to invent weird theories—and they just invented one of the weirdest.

But first of all, the shooting.

Proud Boys leader to former guy: ‘F*ck you Trump. You left us on the battlefield bloody and alone’

Pat yourself on the back if you sized Donald Trump up in two minutes, like a normal person. You could have instead been Ethan Nordean, who wasted years of his life and squandered his precious freedom for a guy who’d likely feed him to alligators—or a marginally more reptilian creature such as Roger Stone—if he ever showed up at one of his golf courses.

CNN’s Jake Tapper takes on the GOP’s new lyin’ kings in wake of Liz Cheney dustup

In a lengthy discussion on the brewing internecine war between Republicans, Jake Tapper stood firmly on the side of truth. Appearing on Tuesday’s edition of CNN’s New Day, Tapper noted that Republicans, for the most part, simply aren’t good-faith actors anymore.

Of course, while the truth is fairly easy to suss out these days, grasping even a gossamer strand of it seems like a Sisyphean challenge for Republicans.

Study: Non-wealthy to benefit most from Biden’s tax and spending plans, especially in red states

For those who aren’t policy wonks—and who somehow can’t decide whether Joe Biden is a compassionate family man or a rapacious baby’s blood aficionado—it can be difficult to suss out the real benefits of Biden’s recent economic proposals. Luckily, new analysis from the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy (ITEP) spells out the pluses (for the vast majority of Americans) and the minor minuses (for the ultra-wealthy) pretty clearly.

More evidence that the former guy is fading away, even among Republicans

Donald Trump said some stupid shit about the Oscars today, because he’s gone from being the worst pr*sident in U.S. history to writing the worst blog on the internet. (I can’t even find an archive of his “statements.” That’s how far off the grid he is these days.)

You may have noticed you can now go as long as a few hours without his clammy tumescent melon head interrupting your sublime, weed-infused reveries.

Compassion is back in the White House … and the VP’s residence. This short clip shows it

I’ll make this quick because the video speaks for itself.

For four years we sat by, mouths immutably agape, as Donald Trump tossed paper towels at hurricane victims and made the COVID pandemic all about himself. But with the return of competence to the White House, we also saw a renewal of compassion. So far at least, that’s been seen most prominently in the words and actions of Joe Biden, our consoler-in-chief.

Ron Johnson at his most irresponsible: ‘I see no reason to be pushing vaccines on people’

I grew up in Wisconsin, so I happen to know there are thousands of Ron Johnsons haunting various backwater dairyland redoubts, oafishly sounding out exotic menu items like “jalapeño poppers” at supper clubs, ordering one brandy Old-Fashioned after another, and dribbling chunky rivulets of tartar sauce down their chins onto musty, antediluvian wool suits as they race against each other to see who can fully transform into giant ambulant pee stains before the&nb

Ted Cruz’s latest straight-faced dishonesty: ‘You didn’t see us try to pack the court’

Ted Cruz has been accused of a lot of things: being the Zodiac Killer; being from Canada; being a churlish Sea Monkey that grew out of control in a secret Area 51 lab before escaping into the forest with a family-size bag of Bugles and a sixer of Zima; being the son of a key JFK assassination conspiracist; spending the past four years hiding in Donald Trump’s Underoos like a colicky baby wallaby; having the personality of a clammy loaf of reduced-salt Wonder Bre

Mike Lindell’s new ‘free speech’ website is even more of a disaster than any of us could have hoped

I can’t stop watching the MyPillow Guy, Mike Lindell, and his “Frank-a-thon” to launch his stupid new Arby’s dumpster of a website. The guy has been jabbering for the better part of two days. This morning, I tuned in to see him interviewing someone, but I never got the dude’s name because Lindell wouldn’t let him get a word in. Lindell won’t stop talking.

Happy 4/20! Almost 7 in 10 Americans want cannabis legalized

The problem with having Christmas every day, as the folks behind these weird Christmas-themed attractions surely know by now, is that when Dec. 25 actually comes around, Christmas doesn’t seem that special.

That’s a bit how I feel on 4/20. What am I gonna do? Get higher? I’m not sure that’s possible. Outside of putting myself on a hash oil IV drip, I don’t know how I could cram any more THC into my body.

Despite Trump’s constant fearmongering over shutdowns, suicides actually declined in 2020

During last year’s second presidential debate, Donald Trump made certain to note how horribly things were going on his watch:

“We have to open our country,” the big, dumb adobe mud hut brayed. “We’re not going to have a country. You can’t do this, we can’t keep this country closed. It is a massive country with a massive economy. People are losing their jobs, they’re committing suicide.