Good news! The Arch de Trumph will be weaponized, apparently! It will “house, store, and have the rapid ability to use large numbers of drones, plus Snipers,” according to the president. “There will be no facility like this anywhere in the World.” You know, for once, I think the president is right.

If you were a Russian intelligence operative trying to penetrate the American president’s inner circle, you could hardly have done much better than Umar Kremlev did last May. Kremlev, a boxing promoter from outside Moscow, rented a private island in the Bahamas for Donald Trump Jr. to host his uber-luxe wedding celebration.

Eighteen months ago, David Ellison was mostly known as an ATM for Hollywood producers seeking to pad out budgets for dad-core flicks such as Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, and Transformers: Rise of the Beasts. But now, thanks to a timely reallocation of his father’s money, he’s set to be one of the biggest news-media moguls in American history.

Of all the outrages and betrayals that Donald Trump has had perpetrated against him—by ungrateful subordinates, by obstreperous prosecutors, by treacherous journalists—perhaps his saddest falling-out is with a simple word. “Starting on day one, we will defeat inflation quickly, and we will make America affordable again,” he declared in an ad during his 2024 presidential campaign. A year later, Trump confessed to still having some affinity for the word.

If a dating app existed in the 1950s, you might expect it to look like Upward. On “chivalry mode,” users can establish that the man in a straight pairing will message the woman first. With “marriage timeline,” they can specify how soon they’d like to marry. In one promotional image, a man leans against a car; below him is the caption “Known to change a tire, not his feelings for you.” In another, a man smiles, coffee cup in hand: “Known to cover the reservation and the check.